the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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