Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
