my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
