Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
