why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
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She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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