remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
