He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
