that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
