Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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