Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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