that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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