i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
