if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
