Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
