This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
