Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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