Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
