if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?