i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue