Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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