Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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  (305): I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B http://tfl.nu/epjn
  Replies (35) Good night (1165) Bad night (3499)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?

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  (303): woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night? http://tfl.nu/lo5l
  Replies (19) Good night (5230) Bad night (994)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

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  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6855) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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  (510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e
  Replies (20) Good night (7361) Bad night (1617)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that

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  (641): i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that http://tfl.nu/t0hz
  Replies (22) Good night (5503) Bad night (1396)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

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  (269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx
  Replies (22) Good night (2619) Bad night (6402)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

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  (303): I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed http://tfl.nu/1p3v
  Replies (24) Good night (893) Bad night (5818)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.

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  (734): He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon. http://tfl.nu/88sk
  Replies (12) Good night (1606) Bad night (3730)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.

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  (734): It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kgmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4846) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  That's the only definition of lonely that I know.

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  (910): Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely. (770): That's the only definition of lonely that I know. http://tfl.nu/dtij
  Replies (8) Good night (2220) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.

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  (312): All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday. http://tfl.nu/9i7k
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious

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  (870): Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious http://tfl.nu/hhr4
  Replies (9) Good night (2169) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.

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  (715): After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted. http://tfl.nu/w4vl
  Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (1152)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (919): Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/9jhi
  Replies (8) Good night (437) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?

  (813): View more from Florida

  Heaven. . It would look like heaven

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  (727): Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together? (813): Heaven. . It would look like heaven http://tfl.nu/645f
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (353)

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