Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
