i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.