Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize