This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize