google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
