i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
