I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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