NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
