I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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