yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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