What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
