you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
