dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
