I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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