She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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