Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
