it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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