You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
