I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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