found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
