it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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