i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
