That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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