Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My vagina is officially offended.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
