Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
