I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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