You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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