What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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