Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
