the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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