Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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