dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
