i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Vodka?
Forever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
