im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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