why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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