I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
