someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
