just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
