I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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