; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
