Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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