You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
