im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
