My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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