I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
