i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
