Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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