how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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