he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
