Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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