The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
