I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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