Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
