I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
