i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
