My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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