nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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