Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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