Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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