I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
