Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ugly people sure do ruin things
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
