so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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