This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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