i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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