He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
