I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have peed in a lot of sinks
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
