cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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