Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
