Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I did not marry a roomba.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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