So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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