Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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