Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
