It's like God shit irony all over that family
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So squirting runs in the family.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
