What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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