so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
