Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
