goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
