I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
