You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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